I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki - Baek Sehee

In I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki, Baek Sehee, a young social media professional in Seoul, documents her struggle with dysthymia (persistent depressive disorder) through sessions with her psychiatrist. Presented in the form of raw therapy transcripts interwoven with reflections, the book captures the contradiction of living with depression while maintaining a functional outward life.

Sehee’s minimalist yet piercing voice expresses what many silently endure—the daily exhaustion of emotional numbness and self-doubt alongside the desire for life’s small pleasures, like tteokbokki (spicy rice cakes). This book resonates globally for its blend of brutal honesty, cultural specificity, and universal humanity.

Main Themes of the Book

• Mental illness in daily life: The struggle of living with invisible disorders while appearing “normal.”
• Therapy and healing: The importance of ongoing dialogue, vulnerability, and professional help.
• Identity and societal pressure: Especially within Korean culture and the pressure to perform well socially and emotionally.
• Contradictions of existence: Feeling despair and hope, hunger and numbness, all at once.
• Connection through honesty: The relief and solidarity found in shared emotional truths.

Why you should read this book

• For an unfiltered look at therapy and mental health from a non-Western cultural lens.
• If you’ve ever felt conflicted between wanting to live and struggling to feel alive.
• You seek a book that’s both soothing and challenging—minimal in style, massive in impact.
• To understand the complexities of functioning with persistent depression.
• Because vulnerability like Sehee’s fosters deep empathy and self-reflection.

Baek Sehee’s I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki is a gentle, aching testament to survival. With quiet bravery, it lays bare the emotional seesaw many live with, reminding us that healing isn't linear, and that sometimes, holding onto small pleasures is itself an act of hope. A book to return to whenever the world feels heavy.